Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
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Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
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You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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