I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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