So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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