Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
