He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
