he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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