Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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