I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
