we have officially lost it.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize