when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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