Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
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So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
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Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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