You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
