I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My penis needs a shock collar
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
