you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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