so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
