Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
