Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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