So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
