Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
