i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
