I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
