My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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