You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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