Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
