After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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