porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
