He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
