Im at strip club and am horny
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
