why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
