is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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