i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
