I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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