i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
