What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Sorry about my life...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
