had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
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I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
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Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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