when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
