he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
