Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
please come you make the beer taste better
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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