How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
