Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
