I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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