Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.