As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
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arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
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Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.