that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Omg the world wants us to be better people
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.