After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
19 People Confess The Craziest Sex Act They’ve Ever Participated In
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
17 People Admit the Worst Thing They’ve Done To a Server
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.