You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
