i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Banned from zoo.
Again?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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