I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
