My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
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Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
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No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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