yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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