My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
