FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you would pick up someone in the library
i will never coherently bang her
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
