just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
