Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize