I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
