At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i would punch a child for taco bell
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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