I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
