Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
