I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
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There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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