She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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