70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
