Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
